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When you know what you are looking for, does it make it easier to be found?

A cat who would be a lemur... or panda...

We have been painting a lot of cats in the studio lately. Well mainly wilk, though i tried my hand at a cat or two. Mine are usually happy, smiley, contented, chubby cats. Much like how i remember ruski to be but wilk's cats are a mysterious, menacing, crafty colour-run ones. Perhaps sort of how he feels ruski is like (esp the menacing bit). But last night, wilk painted a cat... well sort of a cat from one of ruski's photos (ruski's photos on our camera phones are a huge 'inspiration'). But it looked sort of... funny.

It started looking much like a bear cub with a flat head, then a lemur with big unblinking eyes and when blue outlines were added, it suddenly transformed into a panda. As odd as it sounds, the painting actually started to look more like ruski as compared to wilk's previous 'ruski-cat' paintings. Maybe it is the goofiness or the startle-wide-eyed look which was so spot on (esp when you jump into the bathroom, surprising ruski during one of his 'mid-lick' moments). But i think, it was the absense of the previous qualities in the other cats and this was just ruski as a harmless domesticated pet who is really just quite blur.

So... are you going to finally admit that you don't fear ruski as much as you think you do, dear? *grins*

Big things, little things

I wonder if anyone have the experience of being so focused on the details of a particular thing, that they fail to see the big picture. This is just a thought i have after listening to a friend who is currently doing an art project which involves him looking for a quote in the books of a particular author. Talk about looking for a needle in a haystack but such patience! Anyway, while i think i understand his rational of undergoing through such a, in my view, clinical and precise process, it is something difficult for me to envisage doing myself.

I am a 'big picture' reader and i read fast. To put it plainly, i read chunks of sentences, enough to know what they mean and move on quickly, trying to catch the rest of the fleeting images of the story as it unfolds in my head. Though occasionally, a particular good line stands out like a beacon beckoning at me, rather than the other way round. And i realized that when i focus on the individual words and slow down, i often stumble and fall into the chasm of grammer, syntax and vocabulary. Nothing much gel and at the end of the day, i often couldn't really remember what i have read.

Perhaps it is just me, having the inflexibility of the mind to both focus on the details and pull out far enough to appreciate the big picture. Perhaps, i am just too impatient to try and do that, appreciate both the language and its meaning at the same time. Maybe that's why i like to re-read my books. First round skim through the lot to 'view' the images, then a 2nd reading to pick out nuances of the langauge. Not a very effective way i guess, but i'm slow in that way...

Maybe for my next book, i should try to do both at the same time.

The Powerpuff Girls Lunch Club

Lunch time at work these days has been spent with some of the newer (under 1 year of service) young and pretty therapists in the social work department's counselling room eating lunch and chit-chatting together. It is nice, relaxing and generally cheerful. We have tons of fun and it was great not having to deal with work for a while, at least an hour a day when we can afford the time to eat a decent lunch without having a meeting schedule during lunch time.

Due to our regular 'gatherings' and friendship, the head of the social work dept has unceremoniously dubbed us as the "powerpuff girls" (in return, we call him our 'sugar daddy' for always buying us snacks and ice cream *heh heh*). And being the oldest of the lot *sigh*, i have been declared as the 'chief' of club. Other than lunch, we always have birthday gatherings, the latest being the sleepover/drinking/makan/mahjong party at my house during my birthday and long lunches during holidays. We even have a 'treasurer' who is incharge of the calculating the cost and collecting funds. Who knows, we may even get to register our little lunch club as a regular society once we have more members. :)

Still, working environment couldn't have been better. Now.. if only the work can improve...

I need a host...

for my photos so that i can link it up from my blog decently.
Yahoo photos and Sony Myimages just cant quite cut it.
The links doesn't stay where it is suppose to!
:(

Holidays are here but i am pretty stressed.
From term 2 onwards my responsibilities seems to have doubled and i am still far far behind in terms of my reports. Have a couple of sessions schedule with some teachers to prepare them for whats to come in the new term but i don't think that they are quite happy coming to school during the holidays. I don't think at this point they have any choice because we are really behind time.

Had a siblings workshop yesterday and we brought the kids to watch robots. Most kids behaved themselves and my group was pretty good. Would have enjoyed it more if the lunch was a bit more *cough* palatable (sorry angela) or if some of the kids are less spoilt. Sigh. The whole workshop could have been a little more well-planned too. Very harrowing to see people photocopying materials and changing some games details just before workshop started. Gosh, some even forgot that we will need pencils! But... i guess i am not quite anal of this sort of things. If anything, we will just wing it and see what happens.

Gazing

If I could, I would like to lie here and stare at the skies forever.

Meet Andrew

My latest car companion

Easily Old

or '29' in Cantonese... at least a sort of an approximation.

Well.. that's me.
Actually, it is not half bad, considering the gaping big 30 i will have to face up to same time next year.

I've always liked my birthday. First of March. Good number, easy to remember. Always rather enjoyed being an 'almost' leap year kid, missing the 29th of Feb by a couple of hours. I was, however, lucky enough to get my driving license on the 29th, making that a perfect birthday present in the year 1996.

In 2005, 1st of March was a good day.
I had the happy birthday song whispered into my ear at the stroke of midnight and everyone was nice to me at work. Well wishes poured through my phone from close friends who remembered and my mom called well ahead of everyone else to wish me a happy birthday.



My brothers topped their last year's surprise with a hugh bouquet of lilies this year AND an ice cream cake was sent to my office with "The Greatest Sister, Alice" decorated on it with Snoopy&Woodstock. That, despite the fact that none of my family is in Singapore.

Spent a lovely evening trying on wedding gowns and happily confirmed what the design would be. A check of the wedding-to-do list and a load of my mind. Close friends came by and even wilk, who should have been busy preparing for his exhibition in 2 days time. The lovely dear made reservations at a nice french restuarant call Aioli and i ended my birthday superbly having red wine, french food and great company with my dearest and friends.

Birthdays make me felt loved.
Thank you...

Oh shit! I forgot about V-day.

Some vague memory of spending it at the gym with a colleague doing body combat.
Ho ho...

How romantic is that?

But, i did save money on presents, dinner and avoiding tons of lovey-dovey couples on the streets. He probably had a load of burden off his mind too, since he's so busy with his preparation for his exhibition.

*Shameless Plug: Mega Attack II opening on 3rd March 2005 7pm. COME SEE!!!*

Still, you know i love you lots don't you darling? Without the presents and dinner? *grins*

Yuan Xiao

End of chinese new year and the day for tang yuan...

No one's home except dad who's in town for a 1 day stopover, together with some friends from China, so he is busy 'entertaining'. Even having dinner seems more like a 'business-local host' obligation thing.

Youngest bro went back yesterday and it's kind of sad.
I think i rather like having my brothers around at home. Not that we do anything much together but at least there is someone at home when you need them.

Yuan Xiao is a day to celebrate family togetherness.
Looks like i got to buy myself some mochi ice cream for a make-do celebration instead.

Dysfunction

Why on earth does everyone has a dysfunctional family these days?
Is that the "IN"est thing?
A growing "trend"?
Is Dysfunctionality the new "Normality"?

What is it and where do i get one for myself?

Oh.
Wait.
I already inheirted one.
Heh heh.

Nice to be part of the majority for once.

What do you mean it's OVER!?

That's right baby... the holidays are over!
Drats.
Envy independent schools who declared a whole week of holiday.
Bleah.
I barely warmed up to the whole CNY festivities and whoosh... i am stuck back at work again.
And not allowed to take leave today because Big Boss said NO.
Anyway, most kids are back in school today so have work to do.
Sigh.
I am so sleepy.

Anyhow, angbao takings this year has been good.
VERY good.
I think everyone is storing up credit with me so that next year i get to be bled dry when i start giving them out. Sort of like fattening a sacrificial lamb.. cow.. whatever.

Been going around telling others that first year couples are spared this 'tradition'. Hopefully the rumour sticks. If not, there is always the cheap flights to bangkok for the duration. Heh heh.

Folks leaving on sunday night and bringing along my grandma. It's been a long time since she has gone back to china, hard to foresee if she would come back here. After all, we just threw a big family gathering (7 tables!!!) for her 90th birthday on the second day of CNY. Odd, that sort of massive gathering where you hardly know anyone and you questioned the redundancy of it all especially when the old lady in question couldn't really partake in the eating or even recognize most of her children. But i guess, like someone said, it's really the thought that counts and that family, no matter how dysfunctional, is somehow important.

Not that i have ever thought of it that way being one with loyalty not extending beyond my immediate family. As my brother puts it succintly when parents expressed the view to do this sort of gathering often, "I just want the exact opposite". Perhaps we are of a different generation but i just think, after all that 'family history' we are laden with, it is perhaps better just to leave everything behind us. Just a personal view of course and i always envied the closeness big extended families who gather every year for celebrations.

Just not this family.

Just seems terrible odd and... forced. So despite the folks good intentions, i can't help but feel it was a trifle bit misplaced since most of those who turned up are don't really give a damn for my folks or even their mother, my grandma. At times i think it is a blessing that the old lady doesn't remember a thing.

Ah well.
Blessed are the innocent and meek.

Have a Crowing Golden Rooster New Year

Yada yada yada...

Just glad to have a break at least.
And yes, the angbaos doesn't hurt too.

:)

Mad

My life is pretty crazy right now.

Work is hectic and unfruitful at the moment. Kinda crap.I used to like working. A lot. Because i get to be with the kids and work with them, see them improve.But now that work has turn more into helping and training the teachers, i am getting all the stress and none the satisfaction. I don't know. I just don't think i can relate to adults in a work environment very well. I hate having to come down on adults to do things and chase after them to complete certain responsibilities. I feel like fucking middle-management.

I want to go back to doing groundwork. Get my hands dirty with the kids and not run training programs facing indifferent people who just rather not be there in the first place. Heck, give me a kid that bites and kicks anyday.

Folks are back. Would be great if things are great but the vibes are not fantastic. I guess i rather not think or talk about it. I can only say i am not the perfect kid because i WOULD fight for what i believe in, even though i hate fighting. I think parents hate having a kid like that. Uncompromising bitch, whenever to whoever. That's me.

Gave up on the travel log to china. Seems a hassle though i have tons of materials. Who gives a shit anyway?

Gym has been going on well. Went for body combat class on monday and it felt great to visualize punching the living daylights out of someone(s). Too bad i looked like flabby fish flopping around in a crowded studio. Mind over mirror. If i don't look at the mirror, there's no dispute... i AM lethal. *haii ya!*

Yes.. the wedding prep. Been pretty good. Keeping to budget and timeline. Helps to be an anal-retentive perfectionist at times. Got the bridal salon. Got the photographer. Got the venue. Just not quite good in minding the sensitivities of 'periperal' participants (aka the relatives). Leaving it up to the PR department (him, with the stronger EQ) to mop up my "destructiveness". So far so good. That's what i call teamwork. I 'cheong' ahead to forge new frontiers and he watch my back and tidy up behind me while calming down the startled farmstock.

How typical of one to blog when one is full of gripe.

Got to think of happy thoughts. Soon.

Working on a saturday

.. is what i would call mandatory volunteerism.

In any case, i am here in school and so are some teachers.
This better be a saturday well spent.

Personality Clash

It would have been easier to just say that that's what both of us have. But it is really a little more complicated than that. If anything, i can only say, we fight because on a rationality level, we differ as of ice and hot lava. Yet on an emotionality level, we are two peas in a pod.

Hence, its just like the chinese saying.. Huo xing zhuang di chiu (mars hitting the earth). Most of the time, if we are orbiting in our own paths, peace in the universal and goodness to all mankind. But when our orbits collide? All hell breaks loose. Well, at least in my head.

In Memory of Whisky...

...my brother's 3 mth old schnauzer who passed away this morning

You came into Eric's life at christmas
and would have been his greatest companion.
He was going to teach you all sort of cool things too
and thought you were so bright to learn how to sit so soon.
Remember the can of tennis balls?
I remembered telling him you weren't that tall
to play catch.
Still, he said, when you're older you'll be able to fetch.

Sorry you couldn't stay
because i think he would have like you to.
At least for a long long while.

Know that wherever you may go,
you took a bit of us with you
just as we kept a bit of you
for company.

Stay warm, Whisky...
23th Dec 2004 - 10th Jan 2005

Travel Log 1.2

16/12/04 Thursday : Humen - Guang Zhou- Guang Xi (Guilin)

Set off early morning at 8am to Guang Zhou, hitching a ride with one of my mom�s friends. Arrived at Sha Mian Dao (literally, sand covered island), a rather unique enclave islet on the river where the Europeans and trading posts were. Hence the small area was filled with colonial/European styled buildings and had an old catholic church. Compared to the hustle and bustle of normal day Guang Zhou, Sha Mian Dao was tranquil and peaceful. It was hard not to like a place where you see endless of old people strolling in the park along the river, middle-aged gents and ladies dancing and playing badminton or jian zi. There were also cherubic little kindergarten children out on a late morning stroll with their teachers, their hands holding on to loops along a long rope, smiling and waving to the old uncles and aunties that called out �good morning� in Cantonese. At Sha Mian Dao, we also saw our first �adult playground� which looked exactly like any of our playgrounds except on closer examination of the playground equipment, they were actually exercising machines for the adults. Spent some time take photos and assuring two old ladies in my semi half-baked Cantonese (which I learnt watching old VHS tapes of Hong Kong serials when I was young) that Wilkie meant no harm taking photos of children at the playground. Hence it was mightily flattering when they thought I was a local bring around foreign friends. *heh heh*

Next up, dimsum at Victory Hotel (RMB 40 for 4) before hopping onto a cab to the Chen Academy (Chen Jia Ci � RMB 10) along En Long Road. It was the 2nd visit for me since I visited it with babes a while back, but this time the weather was fantastic (not raining) and Wilkie was there finally to see it with me. It looked pretty much the same, but Wilkie and the girls had a great time taking photos of the intricate figurines made of stone on the roof tops while I sponge off local Chinese tour groups by tagging along behind them and listening to the guide introducing the various exhibits in the traditional Cantonese mansion. After that, on to GuangZhou Museum of Art at Heng Fu Lu by the electric tram (RMB 2) where we managed, by our shabby poor student getup, to get the cheaper student admission tickets (RMB 10 per ticket). Sadly, it was quite disappointing for me because more halls were closed for viewing and what�s available were hardly interesting in my opinion though Wilkie thought there were some �gems� in there and bought almost RMB500 worth of books.

Took another lift from the same friend of mom back to Humen (1 � hr drive) where we had a rather hurried dinner (Abalone/chicken porridge with roasted pigeon! YUM!) before rushing to Shen Zhen Airport to catch our flight to Guilin, GuangXi at 8.15pm. For this next leg of the trip, we would be joined by my parents, one of their friends (yes, the one we hitched a ride with) and 3 of her children. 10 persons in all and quite interesting but I was still pretty glad it only lasted for 2 days. Touched down in Guilin at 10pm and the weather was cool and slightly foggy. Airport transfer cost us RMB20 per head and courtesy of my dad�s arrangement, we checked in Guilin Bravo Hotel, a relatively peaceful 4-stars hotel for the next two evening (RMB380 � double room) though it wouldn�t have been my choice. Perhaps something more �budget� if we had our way?

Stocktaking...

2004 was... OK for me personally, i think.

At least i don't recall any particular nasty incident and unpleasantness, though i seem to have lost some sense of myself, fought with people, became quite stressed at various parts of the year (training with 'colleagues'... wedding prep... urgh!) and not to mention all the terrible things happening around the world (tsunamis, dumb war in iraq).

Perhaps i am not being very fair to 2004... after all, it has given me..

1) Generous birthday gifts
2) A couple of new friends and strengthen the ties of some older ones
3) An enlightening realization that he is 'the One'
4) A chance to go to US for training
5) Sept 9, 2004
6) Rainbow Award
7) Enjoyable holidays to Australia and China

I guess there must be more good stuff that had happened and i am thankful for my slice of it...

When the tsunamis hit...

we are left trying to fix the world in the brand new year...

So much for Happy new year.



Couldn't do much except to donate what we can (school held a collection) and hope that the money and necessities would reach the needy. It is sad that in time of such devastation, there are news of child-rapists taking advantage of the chaos and worries about profiteers clamouring for a piece of the black market pie. More often than not, it just seems like everyone is measuring each other up on how much money each is donating...

Maybe, i just have too dim a view of the world.
Whatever it is, welcome 2005.